01-17-26
I painted my nails on wednesday after a lot of time. I don't know how to feel. To some it's not a big deal, but to me it is. I have a weird relationship with feminity. Always had tbh. Don't get me wrong I like how it looks but it feels wrong. Like I'm alienating myself with this small thing. I didn't have the courage to tell this to anyone else than my girlfriend.
Not like my friends would listen to me anyway. Being ignored constantly also weighs me down. Well not ignored in a sense. But I have a frined and when they arrive all the attention must be on them. Doesn't matter if I was talking, doesn't matter about what. All the teachers love them too, but it's always constant whining that they don't. I used to be so good at german (ye I'm a weirdo who likes languages thus german too) now I can't even speak in class. Everything is falling apart I'm always missing the past when everything was better.
01-11-26
Crazy how the about me page was the first one I made and it still works fine-ish? I don't really know how to make it better. Well that's not entirely true. Idk how to make it better with the knowledge I currently posess. I want to make multiple randomizers (one with facts abt me, one with lyrics) and I know I should really learn js. But I just cannot be bothered.
I'm also watching Mobland (interrupting my 4th (I think?) star trek: discovery rewatch) and I can't decide if I'm happy about the fact that I'm watching this series. It's interesting. Also Guy Ritchie. He did not dissapoint with the soundtrack. But how many series is he going to make about drugs and stuff alike? What about Gentlemen? As in the series not the movie. I think it too lived one season at max. If I remember correctly I liked that one better, but I don't really know. Still the point: finish what you've started man. :(
01-05-26
I am in a bad mood since I had to see my physics teacher today. Idk how to survive the 3 lessons per week anymore. What is infuriating tho, is the fact that the topic we would learn now actually interests me. Keyword is would since this buffoon cannot teach at all. The situation is dire over here.
01-02-26
Happy New Year everyone. New year, new person, same old mistakes. I wrote like 6 pages about new year's in my journal and I am still so damn tired. But one of my resolutions for this year is to deepen my coding knowledge and pretty up my website and I'm so motivated to do that.
What I am currently brainstorming on is a diary revamp. Personally I love the theme and I don't wanna change it, but if I continue writing here it will very quickly become an endlessly long scroll page. So what I thought about: I could do a split here at the start of the new year. But my idea involves iframes. I hate those things. With a burning passion. I am (and will be) procrastinating this for a while.
I also watched Tron:Ares i think a day before christmas? But that movie is so good I wanna yap about it somewhere. I really should finish discussions page.
12-24-25
HoHoHo Merry Christmas.
12-17-25
I really wanna join some fanlistings. But for that I need to find a place to but all the codes. I need some cool ideas and right now I don't really have those.
12-16-25
School's almost over yipie. I have a tiny bit more motivation now so I'll try to work on the website. Also my spotify wrapped this year is absolutely insane. 33k minutes which is the most I've ever listened to in a year. On that note: learning about drag path after it's already been removed is the biggest heartbreak I've experienced in a while. :(
I was also working on my novels, mostly on the paranormal dream thingy... even though I shouldn't yet. I just love Sienna's and Kyra's connection, but they are in the middle of an argument in the first chapter, and I don't want the reader to hate Kyra. Her reaction of not being able to communicate her feelings while she's angry or upset and just shutting down everyone and everything, or even being unreasonable, but later regretting everything she said mirrors me. While Sienna's first patient approach then saying it's annoying is supposed to be how I think my friends think when I shut down in arguments. Of course I don't have proof. And I haven't uploaded my novels so... idk I'm yapping.
ALSOOOOO!!!! Watch Skurry's Öoo playthrough!! Absolutely adorable game. If you don't know Skurry they mostly play indie games. Stuff like: Hollow Knight, Silksong, Rain World and a bunch other. They also did one of the two Haiku playthroughs I love. I definitely recommend checking them out.
12-05-25
I am going insane for multiple reasons. For one I don't have time for shit, I either play, crochet, or program in the little freetime school is not taking from me. But for half of those I don't have the inspiration so I just end up doom scrolling. WHEN THERE ARE MORE PRESSING MATTERS like my piano concert two weeks from now. I was sick one week and I got the finalised sheet music I'm supposed to learn YESTERDAY. I am going to scream.
11-27-25
Happy one year to us, my sunflower.
11-25-25
Constance released yesterday. I don't know much about this game except for a, it looks beautiful b, it's heavily Hollow Knight inspired c, people hate it for that. I also saw a few skits here and there while it was in developement.
I don't get the hate tho. A 2D metroidvania with fluid movements, a great backstory, stunning visuals and platforming that happens to be inspired by one of the greatest games of all time? Hell yes. Not like the developers of Constance denied hk having
an influence too. They openly said it at one point. In my opinion it's more of a Hollow Knight, Haiku: the robot and Celeste mix. Hollow Knight because of the gloomy world and the feeling of combat. Haiku: the robot
because of the looks of the enviroment (and two bosses in the trailer). Celeste because diagonal dash. I can't wait for the playthorughs (because right now there's no way for me to play the game)
11-17-25
I saw TNBH lyrics in school on the desk I was sat at. (Click to view it in bigger) 
I don't know if it's readable on the image: bottom-left: "It's too co-o-o-o-old/ For you here..." (Sweater Weather), top-right: "Where have you been?/ Do you know when/ You're coming back?"(Reflections) I added the Cry Baby lyrics and the Devil's Advocate one. Later when I had a different lesson in that classroom I decided to do some touch ups on the original lyrics so it's readable as well as add the next line from Reflections. Happy moment from today :)
11-16-25
I am so pissed off about the ending of Severance.
11-14-25
NEW THE NEIGHBOURHOOD ALBUM TODAYYY
11-13-25
It's been exactly a year since the Sleep Token concert in Budapest. Sleep Token is my favourite band and it was my birthday gift to see them live as well as a merch shirt.
The recordings will never give the feel of it back I know. But to see them live in the Take Me Back to Eden era. I just know I will never ever forget it. In honor of this day I wanted to
make a shrine for them or at least finally start on the music pages, but I am way too tired for that now. So for today I will just watch back the videos and photos.
11-09-25
I miss mood polips so much. 
I have these two. I love these guys.
11-08-25
I just realised platinuming Stray might be harder than I thought. I made progress with the achievements but there are two that just bother me. There's
an achievement for completing the first Zurk chase without being caught and one for completing WHOLE MIDTOWN without being caught once. And like how. I couldn't even do
the first Zurk chase when I tried. The only thing that concerns me in Midtown is the Jail chapter. And getting B-12 back because I always struggled with those two in
particular. And apparently I missed scratching something in a chapter because I don't have that achievement either. It's ok tho, I love this game and sooner or later I shall
set my toes on the beach of my first platinum.
11-04-25
I enjoy making this website prettier so much that I didn't notice I was keeping
a 3 day streak. It's so sad to break it tomorrow because I have a long school day on Wednesdays
and I just know I will be too exhausted to work on the website. Might add a few blinkies. I'm
also so behind on listening to TMA. I listened to 5 episodes today while programming but I was
either focused on the episode or the program so I might have to relisten Mag 46: Literary Heights.
I should also write in my irl junk journal because the last log is from before the autumn break started
which was on October 23. But on the brightside Stray is actually back! I was reminded of it's amazing
soundtrack. Anyway I should really start studying.
11-03-25
My first diary entry here! Today is Monday so it wasn't interesting.
I wanted to go home all day to play Stray (because it will be back on ps+ in November)
only to get home and find out it will be available from November 4th... I also need a
few more achievements than 3 (which is what i remembered) to Platinum the game. So that's
fun. But I also have a newfound obsession with The Slims band and that kind of music. Which
is weird considering I mostly listen to hard rock or metal but lately I somehow defrosted?
